Thanks Giving all year round - a Gratitude Practice

As Thanksgiving approaches perhaps you are reflecting on all you are grateful for, or contemplating how you are going to handle back to back days with your family! For me as a non-American who has been to and hosted many ‘Foreigners and Strays’ type festivities, but never a large family Thanksgiving, it is always a time to celebrate friendship, avoid pumpkin spice in all forms, and enjoy an empty NYC!

I love hearing what people are thankful for in their lives and gratitude is something I do think a lot about. Gratitude as a norm can change our lives in profound ways. It also allows us to feel more energized, more resilient and more empowered to be able to make positive change. I think this is essential, particularly right now when we can easily feel depleted with all that is going on.

In Buddhist teachings, true awareness is being aware of the abundance in our lives. It is said that a lack of gratitude means we are not paying full attention and we are taking existence for granted.

Gratitude is celebrated throughout philosophy and religion. Now as science catches up, we are seeing studies that suggest it carries significant benefits for our mental and physical health. People practicing gratitude report fewer physical symptoms of illness, are more optimistic, and have decreased anxiety and depression.

Gratitude enhances empathy and kindness and these are habits and attitudes we can cultivate and I believe they should be cultivated, from an early age. This is something every parent and every teacher can be incorporating into the daily life of a child.

A gratitude practice is a form of self-care but the affects are much wider reaching than this. When we practice gratitude, we find that concerns slowly shift from being mostly about ourselves and those close to us, to being about all living beings.

Gratitude leads us to have more compassion and more awareness for those around us. We become sensitive to the interconnections. Every moment we are receiving a breath, that breath comes from the atmosphere we all share. The food we eat comes from the earth, the plants and the animals a gift from the planet.

Gratitude is a form of mindfulness. As we cultivate our mindfulness practice we learn to identify and be grateful for small things. We are slowing down, we are more aware, we notice more and appreciate more. The changing of the seasons, the way the light shifts during a day, a particularly interesting crack on the pavement, a smile from a stranger, an act of kindness, the warmth as you stroke your pet, the list goes on and on.

When we are aware, we are more conscious, we are grateful. We feel fully awake and in awe of the wonder around us!

Wellness for Children - The Benefits of Relaxation, Self-Care and Meditation for Children

Meditation in nature

In education currently there is an increasing pressure on children to do well in a certain way. The confines can be very specific to certain learners. Kids need to sit still and be able to focus, they need to be able to deal with constant stimulation and with a lot of test taking and evaluation. This can be very problematic for many children and can lead to them feeling stressed out or anxious. It can also become very hard for them to relax. This can mean constant excess energy –eg ‘bouncing off the walls’, ‘meltdowns’ or the inability to fall asleep.

Contemporary children can also face over scheduling, especially in NYC. As parents we can get tangled up in wanting ‘the best’ for our child. We want to take advantage of the endless opportunities which can mean signing them up for multiple classes with little or no down time.

Down time is so important for all of us but especially the developing mind of a child. Giving the mind a break from constant stimulation allows us to have time for to take in new things, to have new thoughts. Time without goals, without plans, time just to be can be incredibly fulfilling for children and can offer room for great creativity. Boredom should not be dreaded but rather seen as an opportunity for your child to sit with themselves,get to know themselves, discover that internal voice, discover what they enjoy doing with their time, it allows them follow their instincts. Lying on a blanket looking at the clouds is not a waste of time instead it’s a time of wonder, exploration and imagination development.

Meditation can be wonderful thing for children. It is a way of giving their busy brains a break. There are thousands of studies showing the positive impact of meditation and mindfulness on our health and well-being and we must remember that children can benefit just as much as adults.  Meditation allows children to refresh their ability to concentrate, helps alleviate stress and anxiety and helps kids develop self-awareness, manage emotions and self-regulate.  It helps children find an inner stability and security.

I work with children both in schools and privately and I have seen first hand just how much Meditation can help them. Despite what we may think about children’s abundant energy –a meditative state is quite a natural for children. They are enriched by learning about the connection between mind and body, focusing the mind, relaxing the body and not being overwhelmed by emotions. 
How can you get your child to meditate or relax? Children learn by what they see. If you are stressed out, always on your phone, not making time to self-care, relaxation and meditate then they will not place the importance on it that should be.

I have meditated throughout my children’s childhood (they are now 10 & 13) and they often just come and sit beside me (when they were younger in my lap) when I meditate in the mornings or just enjoy that quiet time. From a very young age they knew that it was an important time and they adjusted their energy naturally.  

In the evening in the build up to bedtime can be a wonderful time to practice relaxation with children. Reading together, some restorative yoga, breath work or a guided meditation. *I’m working on some projects at the moment to help with this!
 

It's Cool to be Kind! The Many Benefits of Kindness & Teaching our Children Well.

Kindness board at ps58, brooklyn

Last month we looked at compassion for ourselves and for others and how that can be practiced in Mindful Meditation. This month we are turning to the practice of Loving Kindness Meditation. This month we are going to examine kids and Kindness.

Now more than ever it is necessary to be kind. It is important to think about kindness as a skill that we can grow from an early age. I grew up in a family of natural “helpers,” who went out of their way to help others, from my dad teaching adults to read, to my mum creating care packages for her students. They never made a big deal about it, I don’t even remember discussing it, but neither one would ever walk past someone in need without helping. It was just what they did, it was just how they lived. I now realize now, especially now that I am a parent, that they had a lasting impression on me.

There are many ways to help children learn to be kind. Seeing you help someone who has dropped groceries, or giving change to someone in the street, or providing any help those you see who need help on a daily basis.

When you are in the playground and a child falls over, it’s easy to say to your child, “Oh let’s make sure she’s are ok.” It can be an hourly teaching if you have more than one child!

Kindness can also be an on-going conversation. Talk to children whenever you can about it. What is it, how does it help, who feels good after an act of kindness? Is it necessary to be recognized for an act of kindness to feel good? Notice it in others and bring attention to it, notice it in them when they are kind.

Good deeds, gestures of generosity – these are mindful actions intended to help another living thing. They may be big or small, planned or spontaneous. Work with your child to find ways to express kindness.

Have them think about a time when someone helped them unexpectedly or gave them a compliment. Memories like this have a lot power – they can help children to see that they can act in the same way to help another and make someone else feel that good.

Social acts of kindness cultivate a shared happiness, build relationships, and give people a sense of connectedness to a group or community. When I work with teachers, I always recommend some kindness teaching and discussion in the classroom. Make kindness cool again! It builds a classroom full of optimism. This awareness encourages compassion and understanding towards others.

Kindness makes you feel good – when we do selfless things for others our brain releases the feel-good neurotransmitter dopamine.

It can be a great thing for the anxious child (or adult!) to focus on. When entering a social situation, classroom or party, have your child look around for who needs help.

If you need a bit of motivation or inspiration you can make kindness an activity that is part of your weekly schedule. Create a jar of suggestions that each member of the family draws from. Write thank you notes to each other, to a teacher, nice storekeeper, crossing guard etc – get your children to think about those that do things for them and celebrate that.

Kindness can also be cultivated through meditation. You can guide a meditation for your child or use a guided meditation to visualize offering kindness to those you love, those you don’t really know, and those you may have conflict with. It is a truly wonderful practice and there is much research to show that meditating in this way activates empathy and emotional processing in the brain, and increases grey matter volume in the areas of the brain relating to emotion regulation. It increases empathy and compassion and helps to curb self-criticism.

“Wherever there is a human being, there is an opportunity for a kindness.”
Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Glorious Simple & Delicious Salad

Divine Red Cabbage Salad. Thank you to Smitten Kitchen! 

This salad is so simple and yet so good, Original recipe is from Smitten Kitchen-abbreviated here.

Ingredients are few - 

Red Cabbage - as much as you desire.

Olive oil - as much as you like - start with a table spoon and massage in by hand - add if necessary.

Lime Juice - again this is to taste, start with half and move on from there. I like it pretty limey! Add and stir all around till well mixed. 

Feta - crumble and add in. 

Dates - chop up some pitted dates to taste, start with half a cup. Mix in. 

Parsley - start with a tablespoon and add more if you love it. Mix in or leave as a garnish on top. 

Sesame Seeds - toast till light brown and sprinkle.

Sit down with a big bowl of it and consume!!