It's Cool to be Kind! The Many Benefits of Kindness & Teaching our Children Well.

Kindness board at ps58, brooklyn

Last month we looked at compassion for ourselves and for others and how that can be practiced in Mindful Meditation. This month we are turning to the practice of Loving Kindness Meditation. This month we are going to examine kids and Kindness.

Now more than ever it is necessary to be kind. It is important to think about kindness as a skill that we can grow from an early age. I grew up in a family of natural “helpers,” who went out of their way to help others, from my dad teaching adults to read, to my mum creating care packages for her students. They never made a big deal about it, I don’t even remember discussing it, but neither one would ever walk past someone in need without helping. It was just what they did, it was just how they lived. I now realize now, especially now that I am a parent, that they had a lasting impression on me.

There are many ways to help children learn to be kind. Seeing you help someone who has dropped groceries, or giving change to someone in the street, or providing any help those you see who need help on a daily basis.

When you are in the playground and a child falls over, it’s easy to say to your child, “Oh let’s make sure she’s are ok.” It can be an hourly teaching if you have more than one child!

Kindness can also be an on-going conversation. Talk to children whenever you can about it. What is it, how does it help, who feels good after an act of kindness? Is it necessary to be recognized for an act of kindness to feel good? Notice it in others and bring attention to it, notice it in them when they are kind.

Good deeds, gestures of generosity – these are mindful actions intended to help another living thing. They may be big or small, planned or spontaneous. Work with your child to find ways to express kindness.

Have them think about a time when someone helped them unexpectedly or gave them a compliment. Memories like this have a lot power – they can help children to see that they can act in the same way to help another and make someone else feel that good.

Social acts of kindness cultivate a shared happiness, build relationships, and give people a sense of connectedness to a group or community. When I work with teachers, I always recommend some kindness teaching and discussion in the classroom. Make kindness cool again! It builds a classroom full of optimism. This awareness encourages compassion and understanding towards others.

Kindness makes you feel good – when we do selfless things for others our brain releases the feel-good neurotransmitter dopamine.

It can be a great thing for the anxious child (or adult!) to focus on. When entering a social situation, classroom or party, have your child look around for who needs help.

If you need a bit of motivation or inspiration you can make kindness an activity that is part of your weekly schedule. Create a jar of suggestions that each member of the family draws from. Write thank you notes to each other, to a teacher, nice storekeeper, crossing guard etc – get your children to think about those that do things for them and celebrate that.

Kindness can also be cultivated through meditation. You can guide a meditation for your child or use a guided meditation to visualize offering kindness to those you love, those you don’t really know, and those you may have conflict with. It is a truly wonderful practice and there is much research to show that meditating in this way activates empathy and emotional processing in the brain, and increases grey matter volume in the areas of the brain relating to emotion regulation. It increases empathy and compassion and helps to curb self-criticism.

“Wherever there is a human being, there is an opportunity for a kindness.”
Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Glorious Simple & Delicious Salad

Divine Red Cabbage Salad. Thank you to Smitten Kitchen! 

This salad is so simple and yet so good, Original recipe is from Smitten Kitchen-abbreviated here.

Ingredients are few - 

Red Cabbage - as much as you desire.

Olive oil - as much as you like - start with a table spoon and massage in by hand - add if necessary.

Lime Juice - again this is to taste, start with half and move on from there. I like it pretty limey! Add and stir all around till well mixed. 

Feta - crumble and add in. 

Dates - chop up some pitted dates to taste, start with half a cup. Mix in. 

Parsley - start with a tablespoon and add more if you love it. Mix in or leave as a garnish on top. 

Sesame Seeds - toast till light brown and sprinkle.

Sit down with a big bowl of it and consume!! 

Instant Fire Cider

Ok we all wish we'd made the 'proper' fire cider 6 weeks ago before we started to feel that cold coming on.....but maybe we didn't! Here is an 'instant' version -which I think works pretty well.  *Just don't plan on kissing anyone for a while after you drink it -unless they LOVE garlic! 

Ingredients

1/3 cup - Apple Cider Vinegar

1/3 cup - Lemon Juice (approx 1 lemon if it's juicy!)

1/3 cup - Honey (being from New Zealand I recommend graded Manuka honey)

1 tsp - Ginger (fresh or powdered) 

1 tsp - Garlic (fresh or powdered)

1 tsp - Turmeric (fresh or powdered)

1 tsp - Cayenne powder

Black Pepper

Now the ingredient quantities are flexible -if you are not a hot n spicy fan lessen the Cayenne, etc- personalize it. Same goes for fresh v powder -if you don't like 'bits' I recommend using powder, it more or less dissolves. 

Use a jar with a lid, add lemon and apple cider, honey and rest of the spices. Shake it up! 

If I feel something coming on - you know, that 'sort of' sore throat, or 'sort of' achey feeling -take a tablespoon every 15 mins for an hour or two. Then every half an hour / hour. It's not an exact science, but I think it can really help reduce cold time or help you avoid one altogether. The ingredients are high in vit c, and anti-inflammatory properties. 

It can be kept in the fridge for a several weeks. Just shake each time you use. 

Go brew! 

A Compassion & Mindfulness Practice for Challenging Times

Feeling Angry? Depressed or Overwhelmed? How Do We Manage What Today Is Bringing?

We are living through pretty strained times at the moment. We may feel a lot of frustration, a lot of anger or despair. It is easy to become overwhelmed. What can we do with these feelings, how can we find an active energy, yet a balance? How can we go about our daily lives in one piece!?

I think it is important to be an advocate for the things you believe. Being aware of what is happening, being active, writing that letter, going to that meeting, joining that organization etc are all now essential things. We can make a difference and must do so if we feel strongly about something. But that can also start to feel overwhelming. There is so much to be done and we are bombarded by it daily on social media. Let’s start by thinking about self-care and compassion.

Compassion needs to start with you. None of us are much use to others (or ourselves!) if we are drained and exhausted. Compassion towards the self is not an indulgence, it is a necessity.

A Mindfulness Practice can be a big part of this and can help on many levels. Mindfulness keeps you in the present. You are not focused on regrets or yearnings from the past, neither are you fearful about the future. You give yourself permission to be right here in the moment.

Develop a regular Mindful Awareness practice. Bring awareness to your walk to work, notice the beauty in the tree you pass, focus on the glorious taste of a meal, the smell of your child’s hair, the wonderful sensation of hot water on your body as you take a shower. Be in the moment you are in. If you are not you are missing out. 

Do this as often and as regularly as you can. It creates space, it activates your parasympathetic nervous system, and it helps to restore your body and mind. It also becomes a habit.

I think a mindful approach can also apply specifically to your social media, news access, and how you choose to be active as well. Be conscious of the time you are spending, maybe give yourself half an hour (an hour or two–-whatever works for you–but set some boundaries) to take in social media, catch up on the news, and organize what you need to do in that context. Then let it go. It is not healthy to be immersed all the time in an unregulated and unmindful way. Use the energy of your anger, sadness or frustration mindfully with awareness. You will be more efficient, more conscious and more healthy. You will also be able to sustain your activity for longer. We are in it for the long haul! 

Mindfulness is not just about paying attention, but also about how you pay attention. Paying attention with kindness and open-hearted awareness allows you to practice focusing the mind in a certain way.

When we do Mindfulness Meditation we notice our mind wandering, and we practice bringing ourselves back to our focus with kindness. We are not angry at ourselves, or critical, we are interested in our mind and we are using a compassionate awareness. We notice feelings of anger or sadness, we are aware of the sensations they bring, and without judgment we simply redirect, with kindness. We are not trying to control the experience; we are interested with openness and compassion.

We do this over and over again. Every time we meditate. That is the practice. This over time can bring about a change in habit.

The science of Neuroplasticity is now well documented in showing that our repeated experiences shape our brain. If we practice this compassion for ourselves in meditation over and over, it becomes habitual. We are naturally kinder and more self aware. Then we notice when we are not and can adjust our behavior.

Studies also show that increased compassion for ourselves increases empathy and compassionate awareness for others. 

There is so much we don’t have control over, but we do have control over how we live each moment of our lives, we decide how we respond. Are we coming from a place of hope or fear, love or hate, from a place of kindness or disconnection?

We do not have to be reactive. When we practice this open-hearted awareness, we are practicing a compassionate response rather than condemnation.

We can free ourselves from reacting out of fear or anger.

Active compassion in daily life is about awareness, seeing what needs doing and making connections. Active compassion in daily life creates change.

You can very easily make a difference to yourself, your family, your community and those you touch on a day-to-day basis. Begin to look for opportunities to do this.

Make an effort to connect. Make eye contact and acknowledge those around you. Be aware of who needs help, or notice who needs a seat on the subway more than you do, perhaps the older man unsteady on his feet or perhaps the young mother with an upset child. Instead of walking past the person asking for change, make eye contact, drop in a quarter. Think about reaching out a little further into your local community if you can. There are many organizations that need volunteers and what you can offer is personal to you and your skill set. It does not need to be just financial. 

Looking for ways to help others creates community.

Make a rule to interact with anyone who is helping you – the waiter, the grocery-store clerk, the bus or subway driver, the guy picking up garbage. Say hello, make conversation, or simply say thank you. If we all do this, the affects are far reaching.

As Mahatma Gandhi said "Be the change you want to see."

When we meditate using compassion we encourage a generosity of spirit and that generosity of spirit can actually free us from being stuck in ourselves. 
 

Be well,

Brogan.

Quick Smoothie Recipe

I generally use what ever fruit and vegetables that I have in the fridge but I do always put in a banana as it helps with the blending consistency. 

I usually chop up the fruit and hard vegetables first and put them in on the bottom near the blade. Leafy greens on top. This just helps to mix more easily and you are not having to constantly open and mix or shake up. 

Ingredients

x1 banana - I use about 3/4 and then use the rest on top

x1 beet - depending on the size, half if its a big one. 

x1 handful of blueberries

x2 big handful's of spinach

x1 other leafy greens -this may be whatever you have - kale is great but is very fibrous and will change the consistency so play with the amount. Start with a handful and go from there depending on your taste. 

x1 apple -  or half and then use the rest on top or on the side. 

A bit of whatever you fancy or what is in season. The above is generally my base and then I add in a little bit of whatever I have e.g., cabbage, carrot etc etc. 

Mix it up to the consistency you like. Some people put into a glass and drink - I find the consistency too thick for that and like to eat with a spoon -but there are no rules and regulations about these things! If you like the consistency a bit more fluid you might like to add a little water, coconut water or aloe vera -all good ways to give it a little more fluidity. Add little bit by little bit though - a little goes a long way.

Toppings can include nuts and seeds. I like to lightly toast mine -cast iron pan on the stove top. Coconut is lovely on top - just make sure you get unsweetened version. I love pomegranate at the moment - it gives a lovely crunch. Sometimes I add in oats if I feel like I need a little more sustenance. 

Go ahead give it a try and enjoy! Play around with amounts and what you put in until you find a mix of what works for you. Let me know how it goes! 

How to keep The New Year's Resolution / aka how to make a change

Happy New Year everyone! Here’s to a fabulous 2017. 2016 was so trying for many and we had to dig deep to find the lessons and teachings. What do we need to look at, to examine? Are there things in our lives we need to change?

Are you someone who makes a New Year’s resolution? How do you decide what that resolution will be? Is there just one thing or do you have a whole list? Do you ever stick to it?

It’s important to set new challenges for ourselves, goals we want to achieve, maybe a shift in a behavior or pattern we have, because this keeps us moving forward and gives us hope. I’ve been thinking about what is involved when we try to make changes and the resilience required if we actually want to stick with these ……

I find there are many lessons we can take from a meditation practice out into “real life.” When we sit and meditate we have to bring ourselves back to our focus over and over again to stay on the path. When sticking to a challenge we have set for ourselves we must do the same thing.There are a number of parallels between the two challenges, so when you setting out in the New Year with your resolution you might like to consider these:

1. Know you may wander off course. At some point you will probably get off course. In our meditation practice when we take our seats, we know that our minds will wander. It is what the mind does. When we set a challenge we know that it may not be a direct course. Maybe we have decided we are going to exercise every week, then one week we don’t…. Where do we go from here? Give up, throw in the towel? No – we move to step 2!

2. No judgment. When we notice our mind has wandered in meditation we do not judge ourselves harshly for this. We simply notice and become aware that this has happened. The longer we meditate the easier this becomes. With a challenge we can do the same thing. Notice that you have strayed from your goal, but do not judge. There is no “I’m hopeless I can never do this,” there is just awareness of the fact. Use compassion towards yourself, keep an open heart, and move on to step 3!

3. Redirect. In meditation once we notice our wandering mind, we simply redirect and bring it back to our focus. When you have strayed from your plan, do the same thing, simply bring yourself back on track and carry on. No one is perfect, this is what it is to be human.

By continually noticing you have gotten off course and redirecting yourself with compassion, you may begin to be aware of what happens right before you go off course. You might start to be able to redirect or reconnect before that happens.

So for this new year ahead, let us be strong and face our challenges with kindness to ourselves, focus and perseverance.

Happy New Year, Be well,

Brogan

Brogan Ganley specializes in women’s wellness, in particular relief from stress, anxiety and depression. Brogan uses a variety of modalities including Meditation, Mindfulness, Reiki, Restorative Yoga, Ayurveda, Nutrition, and Aromatherapy.